Bitch Slapped by Santa Claus

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm tellin’ you why...

Today is the feastday of Saint Nicholas, and when I was preparing to send an iconogram to a friend of mine named Nick for his nameday, I came across the following rather disturbing story.

OK, so you all know that Santa Claus is really the Dutch/German version of Saint Nicholas, right? Well, the real Saint Nicholas was a 4th-century bishop from the city of Myra in Asia Minor (near present day Fethiye, Turkey). You might have heard that too. What you would almost certainly not have heard is what happened when old Saint Nick attended the First Ecumenical Council at Nicea in 325 C.E.

At that council, at which over 300 bishops from all over Christendom were present, the Church Fathers worked hard to hammer out what would become orthodox Christology (the doctrine of Christ’s nature), which defined Christ as the second person of the Trinity and therefore on equal footing with God the Father. Well, not everyone was in agreement. Widespread was Arianism, which maintained that Christ, though divine, was a lesser divinity—a created being—and consequently not equal to God the Father. This wasn’t exactly an era when pluralism was, shall we say, in vogue. In fact, one of the purposes of the Council itself was to stamp out Arianism by having it labeled as heresy. The main proponent of these heretical views (and clearly the underdog), Arius was himself present at the Council and was not shy about voicing his opinion.

Saint Nick would have none of it. He was so offended by what he regarded as Arius’ blasphemy against the Son of God, that he walked right up to Arius and bitch slapped him (à la General Patton) square in the face.

Imagine if, instead of threatening naughty boys and girls with a lump of coal in their stockings, parents threatened their wayward children with a bitch slap from Santa himself!

So be good, for goodness sake!!